Our sexuality is our complete expression of maleness or femaleness. Our sex is determined by God, but how we express our sexuality is a decision that we make.
Unfortunately, the world provides us with way too many opportunities, to get our sexuality assaulted. Remember, sexuality is the way we express ourselves, so it is we who are accountable, when there’s an assault on it.
Wounded Sexuality
You’ve gotten into what seemed like an innocent friendship but then started becoming emotionally dependent on the person. Emotional Dependency is a bait. When you become emotionally dependent on a member of the opposite sex, you become vulnerable to manipulation and injury.
You speak to a person of the opposite gender and you find him or her extremely understanding. Consequently, you feel very comfortable sharing your problems with him. Slowly, your conversations start becoming very personal and you start complaining about your family and your friends to him.
He doesn’t criticize you, he tells you that you are the best, he tells you that you don’t have to change for anybody. He asks you to go for what you want, and not bother about the others. You are encouraged, and the next time you are in pain, the first person you think of is him. You want to run to him and share your sorrow with him. If you can’t speak with him, you feel miserable, and you are desperate. Your communication with your family, friends and others gets totally cut down and the only person you want to express yourself to, is him.
This is emotional dependency. As a matter of fact, emotional dependency is exciting in the beginning. It feels all very magical. You begin to feel that the guy or girl is a godsend. But what you don’t realize is that, in the process of getting emotionally dependent, your sexuality gets wounded. You allow your emotions to be controlled by the person of the opposite sex. You talk in secret, and then lie in public. When you are chatting long hours, or sometimes late hours, your conversation slowly drifts towards talking unnecessary, offensive stuff.
Slowly, you begin to change yourself for the person concerned, many girls become anorexic, to impress their boyfriends with their size zero figures. And many guys, devour their parents’ pockets to gift their girls with things, they believe could sweep them off their feet.
Its not always necessary that you need to be emotionally dependent on a single person to get your sexuality wounded. Using perverse language, the constant urge to keep talking to people of the opposite sex, are all symptoms of wounded sexuality.
In addition, to this, visiting porn websites, reading offensive literature, watching vulgar cinema (Do we have good cinema today ?), and all of this are deadly weapons that assault our sexuality.
Prolonged emotional dependency on a person, would lead you to do anything for him. You can’t tolerate, if he ignores your call, or if he scolds you for something. I’ve heard a story of a girl who sent 500, “I am sorry” messages to her boyfriend, because she missed taking his call. You begin to believe that he’s the only reason you’re alive. You can’t think of a life apart from him. You dress the way he wants, you jeopardize other relationships, and you change your entire self for his sake.
Diseased Sexuality
If you don’t take care to treat your sexuality while its being wounded, it goes to the next stage of getting diseased. This is the stage of addiction. You are addicted to porn, perverse language, flirting, or to the one guy or girl of your dreams.
The addiction that you have for the boy or the girl can be so damaging that you can even lose yourself in the process. Whether you are a guy or a girl; when you allow yourself to get physically defiled, it gets your spirit, soul and body diseased.
It is not only a physical assault that can get your sexuality diseased. Getting intensely attached to a person, that you just can’t stay away, even if it means risking the love of your parents, your hard earned career, your education or sometimes your ambition; even this is a symptom that your sexuality is diseased.
Dead Sexuality
Sadly, in this stage, the person has no control over his or her desires. The state when you have no control over your expressions, your insane drive to fulfill your sensualities. This is dead sexuality. And this is the most deadly assault on your sexuality.
Amidst all this noise, the Master has a voice. A sexuality that belongs to God.The sexuality created by God.
The Holy Sexuality.
God created us holy and pure, and he expects us to preserve our sexuality in the same way. Remember, when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, ” then the eyes of them both were opened and they knew that they were naked.” When our sexuality is disturbed, we will allow ourselves to compromise with sin. Opportunities that drive our impulse, will begin to chase us.
Most importantly, our sexuality has to be kept holy so that we can bring forth a Godly offspring after holy matrimony.
God gives us many gifts, that He intends us to open after Holy Matrimony.
They are
1) Covenant Love
2) Intimacy
3) Sex
4) Children
5) Celebration
The gifts have to be opened and experienced in the exact same order. Many married lives, don’t have the gift of celebration, just because they opened the other gifts before their holy matrimony.
What I’ve written above, is what I’ve been taught.
But, if I have to share with you what I have experienced, all of it is nothing but the Grace of God. For, I do not have a Master who is unable to sympathize with my weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way, just like me, but was without sin.{Hebrews 4:15}
When I look back, and wonder how I’ve been able to be safe, It was not my “righteous” decisions rather it was the faithful Master who kept me safe by His Grace.
There’s a war on our sexuality. The devil wants to defile it and believe me, we cannot handle it by ourselves, we need the strong arms of Jesus. I have been saved of so much of unnecessary tears and emotional trauma, not because of my self control, but because of the love of God. It was a simple, childish prayer I said, 9 years ago, “God, I have wasted 13 years of life already, please accept me into your fold.”
Ever since, the Master Shepherd has been passionately taking care of me, and preserving my sexuality. I can firmly testify. there is no miracle more powerful than salvation. And no refuge greater than an absolute surrender to the Master.
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