When I didn't pray

I was tired of sitting silent in prayer. I had lots to talk to God, when it concerned me. But when it was about others, I was rambling a senseless string of words and very soon I was finished. People who know me, will agree that I am a person of many words. I know it sounds odd, but I kind of use different people as targets to aim my words at.

My amma gets my words of fury and nonsense, my younger sister has no choice but to endure my boring 'insights' about life and my friends have to face my bland and predictable humour. Though prayer is about talking to God, I painfully realize that in prayer, my many words mean nothing.

It is the heart, the persistence, the faith and the desperation that connects to the heart of God. It's that crushed and broken spirit that can knock the doors of heaven. Intelligent words and graceful oration can make our prayer sound great, but God makes no sense out of it. This truth kept hitting me a lot and I was pushed to the point of frustration, when I scribbled these words..

Time is running
But I am not.
Haven't turned a soul to You.
The things I've been denied
Never hurt at all..
But it pricks real hard
When I think of those that I am due.
I wonder if it's my guilt
or..
the devil...
WHAT'S PARALAYSING ME ?
That I cannot move forward and heal the pain.
I'm longing for a future
That I have no hope to see
I'm longing to transform that life
That I don't know how to reach
Help me Lord
I don't know how to pray..
I don't know what to ask...
But I won't give up..

I guess God heard this and opened my eyes to some opportunities at church to commit a certain hour of prayer for intercession. I heard him tell me, "Baby, you ain't gonna learn to pray without actually praying! just like you can't learn swimming from a book..." So I have decided to dive in..

I am writing a series of posts on praying, these posts are retold versions of several teachings from books, sermons and studies.

I've titled the lessons to resonate Matthew 6:6 "But when you pray"

I write these posts hoping that it would help me practise prayer the way it should be. Hope you find them useful in your prayer walk too.

Still learning,
Callie

The Friend of a Kind

Friendship is the least complicated relationship, a few hi's, a few lunchs together, a few conversations, answering a few "hey, can you help me out on this" calls and bang! you get a friend. With social networking today, I can be a friend to a friend's intersesting friend. All I have to do is to click a button.

Friendship comes with no strings attached, and makes you feel accepted outside your home. Good friends help us discover who we are and propel us into our destiny. But, the other kind of friends manipulate us and make us lose our identity.

Staying away from bad company is a lesson we've been hearing a lot. That's a choice; we can choose whom we wish to have as friends. But the other part of the lesson is not about a choice, but a challenge. A challenge --- to be a good friend.

Your friendship started off in a great note, probably you studied together, shopped together, helped at an orphanage, prayed and had fun together. All of a sudden, things are changing color in your friend's life. You are God fearing and so is your friend. Now, things are a little different, your friend begins to do things you don't appove of. You're not really sure, but very uncomfortable, what do you do ?

"A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends,.."

The interesting part of this verse follows..

"..even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty." - Job 6:14

Now, that's a tough lesson. I interpret this Scripture as God illuminates it to me. Write to me, if you have your concerns.

Friendship calls for fierce loyalty. Maybe that's why Jesus called his disciples friends. And it is also striking that it was actually Job's friends who showed up to see Job at his point of distress. Of the many reasons existing, I think God was pretty mad at Job's friends, because they tried to enforce a 'spiritual opinion' on Job instead of genuinely trying to help him in his crisis.

We do that sometimes too. In our misdirected zeal, we sometimes say things that are of no use. We rebuke our friend by blowing our own trumpet of self righteousness. In moments like this, I think God wants us to work together with Him to help our friend out. Anyone can sympathize with someone in a difficult situation, but it takes a good friend to empathize. Others would write off our friend as someone in a hopeless situation, only we can go the extra mile and put ourself in the shoes of our hurting friend and help him or her out.

When people are in wrong, or in some kind of internal conflict, it is natural for them to get defensive. They generally get over-sensitive and tend to mistake even a casual remark, as something that is directed towards them. In this process, we could find them saying something mean and hurtful at us. But remember, you are a friend and not just good company. Right at the moment, you are her/his only confidant. If you're going to turn hostile, you're leaving behind your friend who is in desperate need of you (but ofcourse she will deny that she needs you).

Jesus said that the greatest love a person can show is to die for his friends. That's why He died for his friends when they were yet rebelling against Him. Similarly, genuine friendship sometimes calls for death of self respect. But that's the only way to show real love. The real test of friendship is not in the good times when we're doing stuff together, but when our minds are miles apart. The story of Jesus does not end with his death but in a glorious resurrection, because of the depth of his love. Even today, Jesus is able to win the hearts of many rebels (including me), because of that enduring love.

Never judge your friend, you have no idea what he/she is going through. Love your friend for who she/he is and not for what you want her/him to be. The journey would be long, you may sometimes feel lonely. But no relationship goes anywhere without effort to help each other in times of pain.

C'mon she needs you. Show her your devotion to your friendship and work with God in helping her walk in the light.

With love,
Callie...