A not so ordinary year

2011 started off as yet another ordinary year.  But somewhere in the middle, it drastically changed everything I thought about me, my future and my Master.

At the end of this year, I have an entirely new perspective about where I’m heading to and my assignment.

Long ago, I scribbled in my journal,

“Though I'm clumsy
Its because of You're Grace, I am called
To live for Your Glory
And to care for Your flock

Maybe not in ways
That I have dreamt it to be
But surely in Your mind
There is an assignment for me.”

And once when I was frustrated with questions about my life, I wrote,

“Coz' while it seems like I am waiting
I know that you are working
You neither sleep nor rest
Lord please help me to see
That You'll always be
Better than my very best...”

And after a tiff with my Master, I finally concluded

“God, You see beyond my plastic smile
Deeper than the reasons on my tongue
My thoughts, before they were born
And the life for which I long

My pain before it even hurts me
Unsaid prayers in the tears that run
The desires that's hidden in secret
And my dreams that's lost and gone.

Sometimes You seem so far
But that's when You’re really near
And everytime I ask You "WHY?";

To my  finite mind,
Your answer can't be clear.

That's why I trust this life,
Every bit of it,
In Your Hand.
I’ll seek to hear Your Voice
And just wait to understand...”

There were times I thought that God didn't really care about my dreams. I always knew that I was inadequate but I still believed that I had a chance to live a life who's first cause would be God's vision for mankind. But I was heading in a different direction. With the passing of each day, I thought that I was moving one step away from my divine mandate. Little, did I then know that I was actually proceeding forward.

Today, I've landed in a place I'm least likely to be in. Today, I have a bigger loving family and a husband who always puts my Master first. God has given him a ministry and I believe that supporting him would mean enabling him to do well, what God has called him do. 

Being a wife of a pastor is a role I never imagined.  But right now, I don’t see any another task, and I believe God will help me do this well. My mantra for life remains the same,

"That's why I trust this life,
Every bit of it,
In Your Hand.
I’ll seek to hear Your Voice
And just wait to understand...”

Nevertheless,  God knows me too well that He will only let me do what I’m wired for, that’s why in all my overwhelming moments, when I ask Him, “Are you sure about me??”, He whispers in return.

 

"Daughter, I have searched you and I know you". (Psalm 139:1)

Gratefully,

Callie